Despite the high profile of young characters such as Kurt and his boyfriend in TV show Glee, two-thirds of gay teenagers are still bullied at school. Charlie Condou, who plays a gay character in Coronation Street, considers why – and what is being done to stop it
Out and proud Kurt (centre) is confonted by in-the-closet jock bully Karofsky (right) in Glee. Photograph: Planet Photos
The teenage years are tough. Fuelled by hormones, laced with uncertainty, they are the years when we try to work out who we are and find our place in the world. We can swing from intense excitement to extreme embarrassment in a heartbeat, while all the time wanting nothing more than to make friends and fit in. It's hard for everybody but, without a doubt, for gay teens it can be a lot harder. When even the word "gay" has become a synonym for "crappy" or "pathetic", it's clear that the problems are incredibly deep-rooted.
Some shocking statistics: according to Stonewall, 92% of LGBT teens have been verbally abused because of their sexuality; 41% have been physically bullied; 17% have had death threats. For many gay kids, school doesn't feel like a very safe place. I didn't come out until after I left school and, while I was never bullied directly, I can still remember the paranoia I felt at not having a girlfriend, and the casual lies I would throw out, hoping to deflect attention from my sexuality. I was lucky in that I was popular and confident and, as a "drama geek", mainly attached to the one department where theatricality and flamboyance were an asset, not a problem.
But I went to a fairly rough London comprehensive school where survival was Darwinian. I had already been expelled from my first school, so came with kudos attached and somehow the bullies left me alone. I was lucky. My school days were a long time ago, when gay role models consisted of Larry Grayson and John "I'm free!" Inman. I certainly didn't fit into those stereotypes, so the other kids probably assumed I was straight. The idea, at that time, that a pop star could launch a career while being openly queer, as Jessie J has done, or that a transsexual could win a national popularity contest such as Big Brother, as Nadia Almada did in 2004, was utterly laughable.
There is no doubt that, in many ways, things have got better for us queer folk and yet, despite all the progress, we still live in a country where two-thirds of gay teenagers are bullied at school. Why are things so slow to change?
There are plenty of role models for young LGBT people to look up to now, and that has to be a positive thing, but I wonder sometimes if there's a huge point that we're missing. Gay teenage characters have started to appear in wildly popular (especially among the young) shows such as Ugly Betty and Glee. And, while we do see these characters being bullied and struggling for acceptance with peers and family, we also see that they have a clear and powerful sense of themselves. They may be bullied and ostracised, but they are not conflicted. Most gay characters in shows for teenagers are portrayed as heroes, learning to stand tall and be proud of who they are, and that's great, it really is. But I wonder how realistic it is.
Ironically, I suspect that the gay character that most closely reflects reality in Glee is not the out and proud Kurt, but the closeted jock bully, Karofsky, who is struggling in denial over his sexuality. Not that I'm trying to suggest his violent nature is typical, far from it, but his confusion and distress surely is. And while some great work has been done with the It Gets Better campaign (where gay adults make videos for struggling gay kids, telling them to hang in there), and one can imagine a kid like Kurt taking great comfort from hearing that message, it seems unlikely that the Karofskys of the world would have a clear enough sense of self to seek it out.
There's other help available to LGBT kids too, such as the Albert Kennedy Trust, which works with young people who are the victims of domestic violence, and Stonewall's fantastic Youth Volunteering Programme, which gets kids involved in fighting homophobia in their local communities. Then there's the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard offering advice and support at the end of a phone. The help is there; not enough, of course, never enough, but it's there.
However, and here's the rub, a kid's got to feel confident enough to ask for help. It's easy to reach the Kurts, but how do you help the Karofskys? They've got to have reached a point where they're clear enough about who they are to identify as gay – and many bullied kids are a long way from that point. In fact, they may even be reluctant to talk to the people closest to them for fear of triggering a conversation they're simply not ready to have. How many confused kids are ready to tell their parents: "Everyone else thinks I'm gay"? They may not even be gay.
It's important to recognise that homophobic bullying doesn't just affect gay kids. It can happen to girls who don't conform to their classmates "girly" ideal and boys who are lousy at sport. Anyone, in fact, who doesn't fit rigidly defined gender stereotypes. Damilola Taylor, the child who was stabbed to death near his home in 2000, had been relentlessly bullied, beaten and called "gay" and "faggot" in the months leading up to his fatal attack. He'd even had to ask his mother what the word "gay" meant. He was 10 years old when he died, and while his killing may have been nothing to do with his perceived sexuality, it's clear that his final months were made difficult because of it. Was he gay? Who knows? Probably not. But he was bullied as though he was.
So what's the answer? How do we help the kids that are being bullied – gay, straight or still undecided? I think there are a number of ways of challenging the toxic homophobia that is present in many schools. First, I do think that role models are important; the more gay actors, sports stars and public figures who are living their lives openly and honestly, the better. I may be biased but I think that the soaps do a much better job of normalising (oh, how I hate that word) LGBT issues than some of the shows that cover gay issues more ostentatiously. All the big soaps have gay characters, integrated into their communities and getting on with their lives. While they are sometimes seen dealing with issues that are particular to their sexuality (coming out, struggling for acceptance), they are most often seen dealing with the same everyday life issues as the straight characters. It's political, but in a non-confrontational way. Shows such as EastEnders, Emmerdale and Coronation Street do an amazing job of helping people see beyond stereotypes, all of which helps in the general fight against homophobia.
But we need to more work directly with kids, and we need to start young. I believe prejudice is taught behaviour. Young children are remarkably accepting and tolerant and they have a deep, innate sense of justice.Diversity Role Models is an organisation that runs workshops with positive role models in both primary and secondary schools. They've found that kids are incredibly open to thinking about bullying and language (specifically the use of the word "gay" as a general insult) when they hear first-hand how it has impacted on adults. Diversity Role Models has grownup Kurts and Karofskys as speakers, along with plenty of heterosexual role models who simply don't want bullying to affect their kid's education. Just talking to kids about these ideas and discussing the rights and wrongs of prejudice goes a long way towards tackling it. So much bigotry stems from ignorance; education is key to overcoming it. We are a long way from the point where schools take homophobia as seriously as they take racism, but groups such as Diversity Role Models are working hard to bridge that gap.
Homophobia kills. LGBT kids are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers. They are also more likely to self-harm and suffer from depression or substance abuse. And that's before we begin to count those who are harmed by others, attacked because of their sexuality, real or perceived. Stonewall's Education for All campaign aims to raise awareness of a problem that is often trivialised or ignored by schools. Let's hope that message finally gets through.
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